Yo. I jus paid da bondsman, and I needa give a shout out to dat nukka Luda. Somebody finally said it–somebody other than AfroShizzle!

Luda said Hillary’s an uppity bitch, McCain should be in a wheelchair, and that Obama is gonna paint da White House BLACK. Also, he made sure to mention in his non-judgmental and easy to understand lyrbonics that the white republicans are skurred. Das right! Damn crackers better be skurred! Obama and his Baby Mama are gonna dominate the House, and ain’t shiet you can do, Whitey!

Well damn. Homies no be writing shiznit because we done gots ourselves ARRESTED. Weez just standing around looking at Tawana’s breasts, they be spilling out of her tanktop like a soo-namie! Den, we’s just standing around and dis guy comes up and he’s like, “I gots me some extra crack and I know you be wanting some, so how’s about it?” I never smoke crack before I swear your honor! So den we buys the crack and next thing I know I be getting handcuffed and thrown in jail! Damn! I just got outs of here last Wednesday, I be thinking.

Den we have court and I get 60 days in the slammah! I ask for a bit of leen-eencie so I can gets out in time for my homies return to Anacostia! Let’s get a shout out for doze homies, LaDYnasty and CadillacJackson!

Dere gonna be a black homey (what other kind of homey you think son?) in da WHITE house. We gonna rename it Da BLACK HOUSE! DAS RIGHT!

When dey get dat dere Michelle Obama, she be changing her name to Tawanda! You see! The White House will become all boarded up, with fried chicken on the front lawn and tons of homeys riding bikes and smoking crack on da front lawn. When Air Force One come home with Big Poppa, all the crackies will have to move over so they can land that shit!

On Homey’s first day in da White House, it be looking like this.

But after about a year three hours the Obamas house be looking like this:

Homies like riding bikes made for shorties. You ever see big old homies riding little bikes? Yeah, dat be us!

Homies like drive by’s yo! Drive by’s! Biggie. Tupac. Fo’ sho! Das’ Right!

Dat be hiz auttopsie pix or chitlins? I can’t tell!

It’s no secret that White people love crack. How come you think they call em Crackers? However, after discovering some photographic evidence of a white dude reducing himself to prostitution in exchange for crack, Homies are now forced to admit that we like us some tight white bums–of the homosexual persuasion. Witness below a brotha pointing out his love for the tight white ass:

At first I thought this was a lady crackhead ain’t nobody gonna be sayin that Homies are GAY! After all, gays are usually white queens, prancing around in their Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses with fake tans and waxed eyebrows. You ever see a black gay dude prancing around? Besides Michael Jackson?

Unfortunately, I zoomed in on the picture and saw the enormous, saggy white sack hanging between the white crackhead’s legs. Wrinkly old balls.

Anyway, though it is yet another travesty for the black community to witness gay sex involving a black individual, we got to consider a few things:

1. Just cuz you let a dude suck your dick it doesn’t make YOU gay.

2. We are challenging the stereotype of the “black crackhead,” and have successfully delivered a blow to the white community, as the Homie was not the one soliciting CRACK!

3. When in need of drugs, the white man will reduce himself to getting fucked in the ass! Say what you will about selling food stamps for heroin–they’re no better than us after all, and they take it in the butt!

Yo yo yo in da house!

Homies like gettin’ foreclosed on! ‘Das right!

Everyone deserve the American Dream. Me too. ‘Das right! I buy this house and get tax credits, but I is gonna get 4-klozed on because I don’t pay my bills on time!

I also don’t understand simple math as you can see from this article.

I said, and I quote, “I realize I’m not the only one, but I didn’t realize how many people are being confronted … with this kind of situation,” said LuJuanda Dixon, who is working with counseling group HomeFree-USA to try to save the house in Bowie that she bought with her husband last year for $650,000. Before Danny Dixon lost his job in November, they were making $100,000 a year.”

I be making just 15.3% annually of my home price, and I be ignoring statistics that say you need to be making 33% annually of your home price. I just don’t get it. Where be my section 8 vouchers? I gots to rent an apartment. Salary times three is what I can git. If da salary don’t git, you must acquit!

Um, does it even need to be said? Homies be lovin Grape Drink!

I’ll go first!

Watermelon and Fried Chicken!